A young couple had been arguing about what new vehicle they would buy. He wanted a big truck, but she wanted a sports car.
After about an hour the woman had to leave, and said, "look, all I want is something that goes from 0 to 200 in less than four seconds. My birthday is coming up next week, buy something that will surprise me!"
A week later she opened her present, a new set of bathroom scales!
(The funeral will take place next Tuesday)
"Doctor, I seem to get heartburn whenever I eat birthday cake."
"Have you tried removing the candles first?"
My husband said he wanted a tie for his birthday that would match the color of his eyes. Does anyone know where I can buy a bloodshot tie?
It will be my wife's birthday tomorrow. When I asked her what she wanted, she said something with diamonds would be nice. I've bought her a packet of playing cards.
Remember, growing old is inevitable, but growing up is optional!